they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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