it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
