try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
