you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
