remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize