come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
