the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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