i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
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