I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
