Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
well most of my day revolves around power hour
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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