Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
