It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
