I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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