You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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