I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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