cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
