i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
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