Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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