the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
