i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
