Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
