i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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