clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
