I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
