Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I currently don't understand fingers.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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