I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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