Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
