Kiss
Puke
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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