please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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