I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
