Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
