Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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