in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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