so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
