I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
