he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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