people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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