What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
