the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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