Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
