i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
