It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
