I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize