allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
