So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
