wat bout pragnant strippers??
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
