No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
