and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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