my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
