His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You should frame my arrest warrant.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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