I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm passing your future prison.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We need to get me chipped asap
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
