I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
