I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
