do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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