I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
