i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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