just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
