Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
