I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
