matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
