I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
