So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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