Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
