can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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