cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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