I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
