And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
