I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
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