He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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