Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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