I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
