I think I died a long time ago.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
