Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
